How a Wounded Inner Child Can Form Addictions

Addictions

These are habitual patterns of behaviour that feed the wounded inner child.

There are three things a child needs in early life.

Structure – A daily schedule of proper diet, sleep, exercise, and appropriate activities

Stimulation – Plenty of fun, adventure, and excitement because this is how children learn.

Nurturing – Daily doses of time attention, affection and direction.

A lack in any one of these areas can cause an irritable infant with a wounded inner child.

The Child’s Ego

This a network of their wants, needs and feelings. There are three primary needs that drive our behaviour. The need to structure our time in a way that helps us fulfil our need for stimulus (touch, intensity and excitement) and position in the family with validation of what is right and wrong.

Children are by nature impulsive, adventuresome, curious and creative; they also want what they want when they want. The three primary needs are observed in the young child when they do not stick to their schedule, get bored, or do not get enough positive attention or approval.

             

Children who do not get their needs met suffer from the pain of abandonment – something which frequently occurs in dysfunctional families. It, therefore, follows that our child ego is what gets addicted to various activities and objects. When we are in our child ego state we experience ourselves and the world through that part of us.  Inner child authors often refer to this state as the child “driving the bus” in one’s life, which causes considerable pain. Children are not supposed to be in charge of an adult’s life.

Children have little if any impulse control…that’s why we have parents. It’s the Parent ego state that is supposed to keep us out of trouble. If you have ever determined that you were going to stick to a proper diet or begin an exercise program but did not follow through then you have experienced that inner voice that started to chastise you for not doing so — enter the Inner Parent.

It is in our child ego state where bad habits and addictions begin. When the Child takes over “driving the bus” of our life we are heading for a crash. And if our Parent and the Adult Ego States are confined to the back of the bus  you are in for a bumpy ride

Our addictions create shame from the negative consequences of overdoing it with food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex and other compulsive addictions. The primary source of shame is our own self-talk which comes from our critical inner voice/parent. We hear things like:-

      • Look what you’ve done now!
      • This is proof that you’ll never amount to anything!
      • You are just a screwed up loser, no good!

We will likely have a strong feeling of not feeling ok, using the addictions to suppress our emotions from our childhood and create more shame and internal critical criticism.

To heal ourselves from these addictions and shame we need to bring the childhood emotions to our consciousness and learn to accept them.

This can be done through energy healing and integral core therapy, for more information on how these can help you contact Rosemary

Are Your Relationships being Sabotaged by Your Inner Child!

No one gets through their childhood without a degree of wounding, some may continue to be in denial about this.  Staying blind to these wounds will allow them to have a way of unconsciously ruling us. If while growing up you were smothered and overprotected by your parents and you don’t look at this issue, you may overreact to even the slightest amount of control by your spouse. However, when you understand the dynamic with your parents can find the emotional freedom to make different, and healthier, choices. Being vulnerable and communicating your childhood hurts to your spouse. You can let them know what triggers you, what your “inner child” needs. You can then act, rather than only react.

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The wounded inner child – whether from childhood trauma or neglect – tries hard to get our needs for love, care and attention met. This could cause us to use manipulation with people and situations to get our own way, perhaps by becoming overly dependent upon someone else to meet our needs – as if they were our idealised parent.love-1833159_1280

 

Alternatively, if we have given up on our efforts to get our needs for love met by someone else we might then become emotionally cut off and overly self-reliant and super-independent. All of which keep us disconnected from mature love – the very love that could heal our early wounds.

If any of the above rings true to you, you can find more information about the Inner Child in my Ebook or contact me for more information

WHAT IS OUR INNER CHILD?

Your inner child is the little child you once were who needed to be nurtured and loved, the free spirit you have tamed and controlled? Is it your emotions, sensitivity, creativity that you have controlled, silenced, organized and structured? Or is it the frustrated, confused, anxious, ignored, abused you hidden from view and denied existence so that it causes you to be worried and fearful of mistreatment? Maybe you have replaced the happy, loving, humorous and joyful you with maturity, seriousness and a sophisticated demeanour

Your inner child is the childhood you have forgotten, but it still resides within you in your subconscious and still needs the love, nurturing and healing. Our parents had no idea they helped to create your inner child. Many of us deny we have an inner child. When our inner child is not allowed to be heard or acknowledged as real, we create a false self and start to live as victims, with unresolved emotional trauma leading to anxiety, fear, emptiness, and unhappiness.

It is through healing our inner child, by grieving the wounds that we suffered, so we can change our behaviour patterns. We can release the grief with its rage, shame, terror and pain from our past experiences

We need to make time to nurture, love and be with our inner child. It is necessary to own and honour the child we once were in order to love the person we are now, by owning and honouring our childhood experiences and release the emotional energy that we are carrying within us.

Soul Essence can help release this energy so you can free yourself to love yourself and others and improve your future relationships.

Download my Ebook about Healing the Wounded Inner Child or book a session

Chakra Meditation and Balancing Your Chakras

What is a Chakra?

Chakras are like conductors filtering energy from the heavens and the earth to converge as a vortex of energy. It is this energy that stimulates various endocrine organs in the body to release hormones. As we know hormones affect our state of mind and many other processes. Each chakra relates to different parts of our bodies.  For more information on each of the chakras click on the link to the chakra below.

You can help to balance your own chakras by using the meditation below at night before you go to bed.

Chakras

  • Spend a few minutes focusing on your breathing
  • When you are ready to start breathing the colour red into your base chakra in your perineum, do this for ten breaths.
  • Now move up to your sacral chakra just below the navel and breathe in the colour orange for ten breaths.
  • Now move up to your Solar Plexus just above your navel and breathe in the colour yellow for ten breaths
  • Now move up to your heart chakra and breathe in the colour green for ten breaths.
  • Now move up to your throat chakra and breathe in the colour sky blue for ten breaths.
  • Now move up to your brow chakra and breathe in the colour indigo for ten breaths
  • Now move to your crown chakra and breathe in the colour white for ten breaths.
  • Now feel the white meeting with the sky and the red meeting with the earth.
  • Finish the meditation take the colours down your body down your legs and feel your feet connected to the floor/ground.

Keeping your chakras or energy centres balanced helps your physical health, emotional stability, and mental clarity.

More information on chakra balancing or booking a session.

Sign up for my newsletter and receive my e-book about chakras

Do You Struggle To Relax, Have You Tried Meditation?

About Meditation

Being able to relax and be calm helps us to reduce our stress.  Meditation is not just about sitting crossed-legged on the floor and clearing our minds.

By taking some deep breaths we start to feel and become calmer. Lots of meditation techniques use the breath as a focus.

Lady RelaxingIn the Soul Essence meditation groups or one to one meditation, I go with what people are comfortable with, chairs and cushions are available. I will normally use my voice and guide people through the meditation

To relax with meditation you need to accept thoughts will come into your mind when you first start, when they do just bring your focus back to the voice or your breath. The more you do this the longer you will be able to clear your mind and start to relax.

Being able to relax and be calm will help you sleep, lower your blood pressure, and relax in general.

If you would like to try one of my meditation groups in New Eltham please contact me for availability, more information about meditation and the benefits can be found here or search my website for meditation.

What Spiritual Therapies Can Soul Essence Help You With?

Here are the spiritual therapies available: –

Meditation, Integral Core Therapy, Energy Healing, Chakra Balancing and Distance Healing. Scroll to the therapy you are interested in.  The links/Sub Titles will take you to more information on my website

Meditation 

affirmations to help you meditateSoul Essence runs small local Meditation Groups of between 4 and 8 people in New Eltham.

A typical session will include a 30 to 45 minute guided meditation; all my group meditations have the same beginning to help you relax into your body. I do this to help people relax at the start; this helps them not to worry about what is coming next.  I then take you on a guided journey, which may be to help you further relax, or work on positivity, or many other emotions and subjects. As part of the meditation I also come round to each person and run some energy healing this is optional, you just need to let me know at the beginning if you would prefer not to have this.

I ask the groups to put forward suggestions for future meditations.

Integral Core Therapy

There are several reasons to have ICT:Don't be pushed around by fear
To access the loving awareness which exists within your core self and helps resolve childhood issues.
To find meaning and purpose in your life
To deal with life’s daily challenges
To provide integral healing and vision for individuals and communities
To connect with yourself and others in a heart-centred way
To support the spiritual and social paradigm shift in society

The primary intention is to access your core self which is the source of healing, wisdom, strength, and compassion. As your therapist-facilitator, I can support you whilst you are working to resolve childhood issues and to access your inner resources. The actual healer, mentor, and guide is your own integral core self.

Energy Healing

Energy Healing is a holistic therapy which treats the person rather than the symptoms. This means that it can be effective in almost any situation. It involves tracing the cause of any suffering through the physical and emotional symptoms to its roots deep within our psyche.

Our natural flow of energy always moves towards perfect health and well-being. However, when faced with difficulties in our life which we find too painful to accept, we tend to hold this unresolved energy in our aura. This creates blockages in our energy field which then depletes our vitality and can lead to ill-health and suffering.

Chakra Balancing

ChakrasIn most people most of the time there are imbalances between the front and rear aspect of each chakra and between the seven main chakras. An imbalance means that there is more energy moving through one part than another. This creates an unbalanced personality and physical body. Often when one aspect is tense, contracted or shut down then the energy will try to flow in a vicarious way.

So for instance, if someone is scared of showing their loving feelings so that the front of their heart chakra is contracted, then the rear aspect will overcompensate by expanding, such that they become overly wilful.

Distance Healing

Distance Energy Healing and Integral Core Therapy are also offered via skype or zoom if you are unable to come to see me personally. All you have to do is make an appointment; I will ring you or send you a link for a zoom meeting at the arranged time and have a session over the phone or internet. You will be asked to lie/sit down and relax by concentrating on your breathing for the energy healing which will be approximately 30 minutes. Once this has been completed I will ring you again to confirm everything is ok with you and further discussion if necessary.

For the Integral Core Therapy, this will be more talking and use of Chi Gung to help you get in touch with the suppressed emotions.

If any of the therapies above appeal to a problem you may have please contact me

Get Enough Sleep to Help Reduce Your Pain

Restful Sleep Reduces Pain and Inflammation

Getting enough sleep can help reduce your pain, improve your quality of life and help you overcome diseases

Not only is sleep a fundamental human need, but it is also a necessity for people who experience aches or pains of any kind and should never be taken for granted. Sleep is so important, we naturally fall asleep when our body tells our brain that certain essential chemicals have been depleted and our muscles and ligaments are tired and in need of restoration.

The growing problem is that many of us rely on stimulants like coffee, tea and sodas to force ourselves to stay awake and continue working. We, therefore, stay up too late, get up too early, and continue to consume unhealthy amounts of toxic substances – night after night after night. For the better part of our adult lives, many of us are both sick AND tired through constantly starving our bodies of sleep.

Lack of sleep causes:

  • poor concentration,
  • slower reaction times,
  • decreased performance levels,
  • less ability to learn and compartmentalize new skills and knowledge,
  • more frequent memory lapses,
  • increases in simple injuries and accidents,
  • adverse changes in moods and behaviours,
  • increased frequency of headaches,
  • neck and shoulder pain, backaches,
  • fatigue
  • overload of toxic consumption.

This happens because during restful sleep our body is actually working to repair itself. The liver purifies the blood, the muscles repair, serotonin increases. Without ample sleep, these things do not happen at optimal levels. Our biological clock expects sleep to take over during the evening hours. We are genetically programmed to get up and lie down with the sun. It was the invention of artificial sources of light (candles and bulbs) that began our stressed-out drive for more working hours at the expense of much-needed rest.

What’s the big deal, you ask?

There is always, coffee, caffeine pills, cat naps, life is good getting by on only a few hours sleep per night. Well, not really. Did you know that in clinical tests rats die within a few weeks of sleep deprivation? Chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, attention deficit disorder, chronic migraine and headache, body aches and pain, mental illness, depression and anxiety are all in part caused – or made worse – by lack of sleep. And lack of sleep causes lower levels of the neurotransmitter serotonin, placing you at risk for depression and suicidal thoughts.

https://amzn.to/2JlrgWp

 

This information is based on information taken from Arthritis Reversed: Groundbreaking 30-Day Arthritis Relief Action Plan.

Click on the image to go to Amazon to buy the book

 

 

My next post will be about Insomnia

How to Heal Your Inner Child

What is your inner child?

Your inner child is the child you were, with both negative and positive aspects. Our unmet needs, our suppressed childhood emotions along with our childlike innocence, creativity and joy are all still within us.

Our repressed emotions are are the things we learnt to do or to feel to allow our parents to love us. Examples; if you only received attention when you were good, your inner child maybe rebellious, sad or angry. If you were part of trauma or abuse your inner child would hide pain and fear to survive. By accessing your inner child you find the roots of issues or patterns in your life as an adult.

Signs of having a wounded inner child are:

  • Low self-esteem, poor body image
  • Mood and emotional imbalances
  • Problems with boundaries being too rigid or too weak
  • Problems with eating
  • Harming yourself
  • Psychosexual difficulties
  • Identity problems being a rebel/a hoarder/ a bully/ a perennial victim or a super-achiever
  • Intimacy problems
  • Commitment problems
  • A general lack of trust in yourself and others
  • Criminal behaviour, excessive lying
  • Being ‘overly- responsible’ for others
  • Being fiercely competitive and a poor loser
  • Dependencies and addictions
  • Obsessive and needy behaviour
  • Fear of authority figures
  • Being manipulative, passive or aggressive

We are not born with any of these issues, they are created in our subconscious by our environment and people during our informative years. Our informative years between birth and seven years old is the time when we absorb our experiences and are unable to verbalise our thoughts.

We create masks to hold and conceal our low self-esteem, family trauma, secrets and our shame. These are often not spoken about; however, they affect how we were treated by our family and friends. We need to be able to accept that we were shamed, ignored or betrayed by our parents and how this has truly wounded our soul/inner child. Our parents were not bad they were just wounded kids themselves.

We show these masks when we have negative thoughts, emotions, self-doubt or self-loathing that overwhelms us and we are then more likely to turn to drugs, food and alcohol to numb the feelings. Therapy will help you peel off the masks that we created as children to help us survive these experiences; once we begin to do this, we can then live lives without having to numb our feeling and emotions with stimulants.

Things You Can Do Yourself:

  • Take a few moments to think about the happy memories of your childhood.
  • Remind yourself how special you were and still are.
  • When the inner critic voice surfaces, stop… take some deep breaths reply to yourself with a soothing, comforting, nurturing inner voice.
  • Tell the inner child (you as a child) how much she is loved, valued and appreciated.
  • Your inner child has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of, none of this was her/his fault.
  • Watch loving mothers with their babies and absorb the loving energy.
  • Imagine sitting with your inner child (you as a baby or toddler).
  • Allow the true feelings of your childhood to emerge and let the emotions flow. Let the tears flow and to release the anger hit a pillow.

If doing any of the above brings up anger and shock, then you are on the path to healing, shock is the beginning of grief. Do not feel bad about feeling angry, even if none of your wounding was intentional. Your parents did the best they could as wounded adults themselves.

As victimised children, we must grieve our betrayal and shame, what may have been our dreams or goals in life, and our unfulfilled developmental needs.

We must help our wounded inner child realise there was nothing he/she could have done differently, the pain of what happened to him/her is what needs to be grieved and healed.

When we feel we are bad or contaminated, this shame can lead to loneliness. Our inner child may feel flawed and defective; therefore they cover up their true self, with their mask/defence they used to get through life, creating a false self. Their true self, therefore, feels isolated. As we work on this level through therapy we can embrace the feelings and heal the self that has been in hiding. What we hide from others we hide from ourselves also. In coming to terms with our shame, abandonment and hidden feelings we begin to embrace and love our true self/soul.

If you have more questions, then email me at https://soul-essence.com/contact/

 

How Your Spiritual Energy Can Benefit You

Everything is energy including us, vibrating at different frequencies. There are low and high frequencies. If we are vibrating at the lower levels we will have more pain in our lives than we would if we were vibrating at the higher frequencies.

Humans will always face challenges and fears in their lives. We grow and learn through friction, particularly friction within ourselves. Trying to rid our lives of uncomfortable moments, or difficult challenges is not our aim. We need to master being responsible and aware of our thoughts and actions, so we do not react from impulse, which has you playing out the same old low-frequency patterns you have been carrying around all your life.

Acting out these same patterns is why: –

  • people go on a diet lose loads of weight, only to put it all back on again,
  • people who win the lottery eventually end right back where they started financially,
  • most New Year resolutions are abandoned by the end of January.

If you only change the exterior and work on the things outside of yourself, continuing  to be the same person on the inside, not changing your mindset of lack and fear, (Example if I can’t hide behind my wall of flab I will be seen, vulnerable, and possibly rejected) therefore you will not evolve and change.  Step back for a moment and acknowledge the fact that you’re alive. The life force known as Universal Intelligence is flowing through your human body, making your blood pump, your mind think, your heart desire, your intuition tell you to look in a coat pocket for the car keys you’ve spent half the afternoon searching for. This force that flows through you is the essence of who you are, it’s the highest frequency there is—you are Universal Intelligence seeking expression on Earth through the you that is you. You are a valuable and irreplaceable asset to the Universe. So when your energy is vibrating at the highest frequency possible—the frequency of love, you are giving and receiving goodness and riches around you.

This information has been taken from the ideas in one of the books in Jen Sincero’s series of “You are a Badass ……”

Energy healing will help you work on your inner self, moving you into the higher frequencies so you feel healthier.  Contact Rosemary for more information

Meditation FAQs

Soul Essence runs meditation groups in New Eltham,  I will run meditation in peoples homes or for groups in halls. Contact me if you are interested

Q     How do you find time to meditate?    woman-890041_1280

A     Start with five minutes in the morning or evening and gradually build up to ten minutes then increase by five minutes every week until you can do twenty minutes regularly.  Try and focus on a candle, your breathing or work from your feet to your head visualising each part of your body relaxing, these are good routines to start off your meditating. Ideally, try and meditate at the same time each day. If you cannot fit in five minutes specifically for meditating every day, try concentrating on your breathing in the shower, or sitting on the bus or train to work.

Q     How do you relax enough to meditate?

The more you fight with yourself about being unable to relax relax-1183533_1280the harder it becomes. Accept that, thoughts and jobs you need to do will come into your mind when you first start to meditate.  Just acknowledge them and bring your attention back to your breathing, the voice or whatever you are focusing on. The more you accept that thoughts will enter your mind the easier you will find you can relax enough to meditate.

Q     I have tried meditation and I couldn’t get on with it, what should I do?silence within

There are many types of meditation, you can meditate just sitting on the floor or chair focussing on a voice, breathing or music. You can do yoga exercises, go for a walk in nature, or sit in a park and listen to all the noises you can hear. There are the guided / visualisation meditations, sound meditations like a gong bath, for the more serious transcendental or chanting meditation. I would suggest trying a different form of meditation before deciding it is not for you

Q     How long do you need to meditate for to see benefits?

Any regular amount of meditation will give you results. It is the regular consistent practice that gives you the benefits not the length of time of one session. If you are a beginner trying to do 20 minutes morning and night will more than likely be a challenge and you will give up.

I always say start with an easy amount of time for you; this may be just one minute to start with morning and night. Depends on how hectic your life is. I would suggest 5 minutes morning and evening is a time most people can fit into their busy schedule.  Then as it becomes easier slowly increase to 10 minutes, and increase as you begin to feel more comfortable with meditation.

Q     How often?

Daily, morning and evening are best, but if you have to miss a day or the morning session because you have to get to work earlier one day, it will not undo any benefits you have already gained. You may notice you are not as focused that day.  The more you meditate regularly the easier it becomes.

Q     What counts as meditation?

Meditation is a time when you sit and focus on something to clear your mind. This could rest-52495_1920be your breath, the light of a candle, relaxing music, and painting or drawing, it can even be a walk in nature.  You can be mindful which is also meditating, making a cup of tea, instead of making it in autopilot, really focus on filling the kettle with water, listen to the water, when you pour the water into the cup or teapot, notice the steam, smell of the tea etc. This is taking your mind off everyday activities and helping you relax.

Q     Benefits

There are many benefits of meditation below is an infographic giving you information about some benefits.

proven reasons to meditate 3