Tag: abandonment

How finding out I was deaf in one ear affected my primary education.

On By RosemaryIn Alternative Therapy, Healing, Holistic TherapyLeave a comment

When I was about three, my mum noticed I was often shouting when I talked, and she asked me to speak quietly. After a few weeks of my behaviour not changing and me being unaware I was talking loudly, she asked for a doctor’s advice. After various tests and my ears being syringe, the doctors were sure I was deaf in one ear; it was confirmed when I started school two years later. I had regular hearing tests, and there was always nothing they could do.

The diagnosis meant I had to sit at the front of the class and not with any friends I had made, which I always resented. Not always hearing what people said, or words, or topics correctly, people often thought I was rude because I did not reply or said something irrelevant. The one game I dreaded was “Chinese Whispers”, children would not let me turn my head for them to speak in my other ear, often the teachers also stopped me turning my head too. Of course, I had to make up something that had nothing to do with the original “whisper” being passed around the circle. During my first three years in infant school, I felt alone and made few friends. The scars on my hand from the scald were still quite noticeable, and some children found them offensive too.

Progressing up to the juniors was a little better. I was able to explain more about the deafness and scars on my hands. However, I still struggled to be part of a group, and I had no close friends. To try and gain friends, I would give away my things, do what others wanted, I had become a people pleaser, at home and school.

At the age of eight, I was able to join the local Brownies. Here I was able to be myself, have friends, build my confidence, and get support from the leaders.

The deafness was still strengthening the original abandonment issue caused by the scald.

It seemed “abandonment” would be an issue I was going to need to heal in my life. The energy healing training certainly went along way to heal this issue.

If you have had childhood traumas, mild or severe, energy healing can help you. Email Rosemary to find out more about how it can help.

Sign up for my monthly newsletter and receive one of my e-books about chakras, Meditation Tips or Inner Child free

My Soul Journey – How being scalded at 18 months shut my feelings down.

On By RosemaryIn Healing, Holistic TherapyLeave a comment

Here is part two of my journey.

I was born into a loving family; although a little chaotic, there was no routine. My father did shift work, and my mother was always distracted, instead of getting dinner and doing any housework etc. My sister and I were often late for school and other activities, rushing in at the last minute.

When I was eighteen months, my father was looking after me, while my mother took my sister to a party. However, he left me in the kitchen while he went to the bathroom. While he was upstairs, I climbed onto a chair to try and pour a cup of tea from the pot he had just made. I was severely scalded and taken to the hospital.

I was placed in a cast; it was important I did not move, cracking the cast letting air in, would have left more scaring. Neither of my parents were allowed to stay with me at the hospital. I, therefore, did not settle, and my mother was called back that night to try and get me to sleep. I am told she sang me to sleep. I woke the next morning crying with no one I knew around. Over the three weeks, I was in the hospital, my parents visited each day and left at the end of visiting time. The picture above is ten days after the original scald injury after I had had the cast removed, and my parents were allowed to pick me up.

Being in pain and left alone with people I did not know at such a young age, I felt abandoned and insecure. Abandonment in my formative years resulted in me clinging to security, relationships, and routines. I did not trust life and possibly people; therefore, I feared change. This sense of abandonment undermines the trust I needed to develop a sense of security, hope and confidence in my life.

When I started the Energy Healing training, I had no idea how this childhood accident had caused me to feel abandoned as an infant and had affected my whole life. By working through these feelings, I was able to feel more open and secure.

If you have had childhood traumas, mild or severe, energy healing can help you. Email Rosemary to find out more about how it can help.

Sign up for my monthly newsletter and receive one of my e-books about chakras, Meditation Tips or Inner Child free

How a Wounded Inner Child Can Form Addictions

On By RosemaryIn HealingLeave a comment

Addictions

These are habitual patterns of behaviour that feed the wounded inner child.

There are three things a child needs in early life.

Structure – A daily schedule of proper diet, sleep, exercise, and appropriate activities

Stimulation – Plenty of fun, adventure, and excitement because this is how children learn.

Nurturing – Daily doses of time attention, affection and direction.

A lack in any one of these areas can cause an irritable infant with a wounded inner child.

The Child’s Ego

This a network of their wants, needs and feelings. There are three primary needs that drive our behaviour. The need to structure our time in a way that helps us fulfil our need for stimulus (touch, intensity and excitement) and position in the family with validation of what is right and wrong.

Children are by nature impulsive, adventuresome, curious and creative; they also want what they want when they want. The three primary needs are observed in the young child when they do not stick to their schedule, get bored, or do not get enough positive attention or approval.

             

Children who do not get their needs met suffer from the pain of abandonment – something which frequently occurs in dysfunctional families. It, therefore, follows that our child ego is what gets addicted to various activities and objects. When we are in our child ego state we experience ourselves and the world through that part of us.  Inner child authors often refer to this state as the child “driving the bus” in one’s life, which causes considerable pain. Children are not supposed to be in charge of an adult’s life.

Children have little if any impulse control…that’s why we have parents. It’s the Parent ego state that is supposed to keep us out of trouble. If you have ever determined that you were going to stick to a proper diet or begin an exercise program but did not follow through then you have experienced that inner voice that started to chastise you for not doing so — enter the Inner Parent.

It is in our child ego state where bad habits and addictions begin. When the Child takes over “driving the bus” of our life we are heading for a crash. And if our Parent and the Adult Ego States are confined to the back of the bus  you are in for a bumpy ride

Our addictions create shame from the negative consequences of overdoing it with food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex and other compulsive addictions. The primary source of shame is our own self-talk which comes from our critical inner voice/parent. We hear things like:-

      • Look what you’ve done now!
      • This is proof that you’ll never amount to anything!
      • You are just a screwed up loser, no good!

We will likely have a strong feeling of not feeling ok, using the addictions to suppress our emotions from our childhood and create more shame and internal critical criticism.

To heal ourselves from these addictions and shame we need to bring the childhood emotions to our consciousness and learn to accept them.

This can be done through energy healing and integral core therapy, for more information on how these can help you contact Rosemary