These are habitual patterns of behaviour that feed the wounded inner child.
There are three things a child needs in early life.
Structure – A daily schedule of proper diet, sleep, exercise, and appropriate activities
Stimulation – Plenty of fun, adventure, and excitement because this is how children learn.
Nurturing – Daily doses of time attention, affection and direction.
A lack in any one of these areas can cause an irritable infant with a wounded inner child.
The Child’s Ego
This a network of their wants, needs and feelings. There are three primary needs that drive our behaviour. The need to structure our time in a way that helps us fulfil our need for stimulus (touch, intensity and excitement) and position in the family with validation of what is right and wrong.
Children are by nature impulsive, adventuresome, curious and creative; they also want what they want when they want. The three primary needs are observed in the young child when they do not stick to their schedule, get bored, or do not get enough positive attention or approval.
Children who do not get their needs met suffer from the pain of abandonment – something which frequently occurs in dysfunctional families. It, therefore, follows that our child ego is what gets addicted to various activities and objects. When we are in our child ego state we experience ourselves and the world through that part of us. Inner child authors often refer to this state as the child “driving the bus” in one’s life, which causes considerable pain. Children are not supposed to be in charge of an adult’s life.
Children have little if any impulse control…that’s why we have parents. It’s the Parent ego state that is supposed to keep us out of trouble. If you have ever determined that you were going to stick to a proper diet or begin an exercise program but did not follow through then you have experienced that inner voice that started to chastise you for not doing so — enter the Inner Parent.
It is in our child ego state where bad habits and addictions begin. When the Child takes over “driving the bus” of our life we are heading for a crash. And if our Parent and the Adult Ego States are confined to the back of the bus you are in for a bumpy ride
Our addictions create shame from the negative consequences of overdoing it with food, drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex and other compulsive addictions. The primary source of shame is our own self-talk which comes from our critical inner voice/parent. We hear things like:-
- Look what you’ve done now!
- This is proof that you’ll never amount to anything!
- You are just a screwed up loser, no good!
We will likely have a strong feeling of not feeling ok, using the addictions to suppress our emotions from our childhood and create more shame and internal critical criticism.
To heal ourselves from these addictions and shame we need to bring the childhood emotions to our consciousness and learn to accept them.
This can be done through energy healing and integral core therapy, for more information on how these can help you contact Rosemary