Are Your Relationships being Sabotaged by Your Inner Child!

No one gets through their childhood without a degree of wounding, some may continue to be in denial about this.  Staying blind to these wounds will allow them to have a way of unconsciously ruling us. If while growing up you were smothered and overprotected by your parents and you don’t look at this issue, you may overreact to even the slightest amount of control by your spouse. However, when you understand the dynamic with your parents can find the emotional freedom to make different, and healthier, choices. Being vulnerable and communicating your childhood hurts to your spouse. You can let them know what triggers you, what your “inner child” needs. You can then act, rather than only react.

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The wounded inner child – whether from childhood trauma or neglect – tries hard to get our needs for love, care and attention met. This could cause us to use manipulation with people and situations to get our own way, perhaps by becoming overly dependent upon someone else to meet our needs – as if they were our idealised parent.love-1833159_1280

 

Alternatively, if we have given up on our efforts to get our needs for love met by someone else we might then become emotionally cut off and overly self-reliant and super-independent. All of which keep us disconnected from mature love – the very love that could heal our early wounds.

If any of the above rings true to you, you can find more information about the Inner Child in my Ebook or contact me for more information

WHAT IS OUR INNER CHILD?

Your inner child is the little child you once were who needed to be nurtured and loved, the free spirit you have tamed and controlled? Is it your emotions, sensitivity, creativity that you have controlled, silenced, organized and structured? Or is it the frustrated, confused, anxious, ignored, abused you hidden from view and denied existence so that it causes you to be worried and fearful of mistreatment? Maybe you have replaced the happy, loving, humorous and joyful you with maturity, seriousness and a sophisticated demeanour

Your inner child is the childhood you have forgotten, but it still resides within you in your subconscious and still needs the love, nurturing and healing. Our parents had no idea they helped to create your inner child. Many of us deny we have an inner child. When our inner child is not allowed to be heard or acknowledged as real, we create a false self and start to live as victims, with unresolved emotional trauma leading to anxiety, fear, emptiness, and unhappiness.

It is through healing our inner child, by grieving the wounds that we suffered, so we can change our behaviour patterns. We can release the grief with its rage, shame, terror and pain from our past experiences

We need to make time to nurture, love and be with our inner child. It is necessary to own and honour the child we once were in order to love the person we are now, by owning and honouring our childhood experiences and release the emotional energy that we are carrying within us.

Soul Essence can help release this energy so you can free yourself to love yourself and others and improve your future relationships.

Download my Ebook about Healing the Wounded Inner Child or book a session

How to Heal Your Inner Child

What is your inner child?

Your inner child is the child you were, with both negative and positive aspects. Our unmet needs, our suppressed childhood emotions along with our childlike innocence, creativity and joy are all still within us.

Our repressed emotions are are the things we learnt to do or to feel to allow our parents to love us. Examples; if you only received attention when you were good, your inner child maybe rebellious, sad or angry. If you were part of trauma or abuse your inner child would hide pain and fear to survive. By accessing your inner child you find the roots of issues or patterns in your life as an adult.

Signs of having a wounded inner child are:

  • Low self-esteem, poor body image
  • Mood and emotional imbalances
  • Problems with boundaries being too rigid or too weak
  • Problems with eating
  • Harming yourself
  • Psychosexual difficulties
  • Identity problems being a rebel/a hoarder/ a bully/ a perennial victim or a super-achiever
  • Intimacy problems
  • Commitment problems
  • A general lack of trust in yourself and others
  • Criminal behaviour, excessive lying
  • Being ‘overly- responsible’ for others
  • Being fiercely competitive and a poor loser
  • Dependencies and addictions
  • Obsessive and needy behaviour
  • Fear of authority figures
  • Being manipulative, passive or aggressive

We are not born with any of these issues, they are created in our subconscious by our environment and people during our informative years. Our informative years between birth and seven years old is the time when we absorb our experiences and are unable to verbalise our thoughts.

We create masks to hold and conceal our low self-esteem, family trauma, secrets and our shame. These are often not spoken about; however, they affect how we were treated by our family and friends. We need to be able to accept that we were shamed, ignored or betrayed by our parents and how this has truly wounded our soul/inner child. Our parents were not bad they were just wounded kids themselves.

We show these masks when we have negative thoughts, emotions, self-doubt or self-loathing that overwhelms us and we are then more likely to turn to drugs, food and alcohol to numb the feelings. Therapy will help you peel off the masks that we created as children to help us survive these experiences; once we begin to do this, we can then live lives without having to numb our feeling and emotions with stimulants.

Things You Can Do Yourself:

  • Take a few moments to think about the happy memories of your childhood.
  • Remind yourself how special you were and still are.
  • When the inner critic voice surfaces, stop… take some deep breaths reply to yourself with a soothing, comforting, nurturing inner voice.
  • Tell the inner child (you as a child) how much she is loved, valued and appreciated.
  • Your inner child has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of, none of this was her/his fault.
  • Watch loving mothers with their babies and absorb the loving energy.
  • Imagine sitting with your inner child (you as a baby or toddler).
  • Allow the true feelings of your childhood to emerge and let the emotions flow. Let the tears flow and to release the anger hit a pillow.

If doing any of the above brings up anger and shock, then you are on the path to healing, shock is the beginning of grief. Do not feel bad about feeling angry, even if none of your wounding was intentional. Your parents did the best they could as wounded adults themselves.

As victimised children, we must grieve our betrayal and shame, what may have been our dreams or goals in life, and our unfulfilled developmental needs.

We must help our wounded inner child realise there was nothing he/she could have done differently, the pain of what happened to him/her is what needs to be grieved and healed.

When we feel we are bad or contaminated, this shame can lead to loneliness. Our inner child may feel flawed and defective; therefore they cover up their true self, with their mask/defence they used to get through life, creating a false self. Their true self, therefore, feels isolated. As we work on this level through therapy we can embrace the feelings and heal the self that has been in hiding. What we hide from others we hide from ourselves also. In coming to terms with our shame, abandonment and hidden feelings we begin to embrace and love our true self/soul.

If you have more questions, then email me at https://soul-essence.com/contact/

 

Your Core-self

At the centre of your being is your core-self.

Let’s face it, we are all in a relative state of distress. We feel sad, anxious, dissatisfied. We yearn for a happier and an easier life, but often look in the wrong places and end up disappointed because we don’t understand our real needs. We want to feel ‘right’ and for things to ‘make sense’, yet most of the time we don’t realise what we are yearning for is our true core self.

We can think of our core as our authentic state of being before the impact of our life experiences and childhood conditioning took us away from it. It is the truth of who we are.  Place of oneness with all that is, a place of unconditional love, compassion, wisdom, joy, peace, contentment and healing.

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We first experience a painful separation from our core as babies when we realise we are separate from unconditional love. We experience the imperfection of our parents, who can’t give us unconditional love. But felt even more deeply is the separation from the unconditional love of the divine. The source from which we came. Before we had the words to name it, or the reasoning to understand it, we suffered this most cataclysmic experience. This is called our core wound.

Over time our personality, beliefs and behaviours protect us by hiding and denying our core wound and burying it in the unconscious part of our mind, sometimes never to be discovered or understood for a whole lifetime. This ‘contraction’ is the root of all or emotional and psychological pain

Connecting with your core taps into a well of spiritual energy which will nourish and enhance all parts of your life. Every resource we might ever need is found there, already within us. Take a second to let that sink in. How could that realisation transform your life?

When connected to your core, life flows effortlessly. You feel more comfortable in your own skin. You begin to love and trust yourself and to perceive the world as a more supportive, enjoyable place. Regular contact with your core creates a gradual shift to higher level of consciousness.

Our greatest and deepest longing is to return to a place of wholeness, to return to our core.

I will be running workshops in 2017 to help people to connect to their  Core

Visit Soulessenceworkshops.co.uk    or email me for dates and information

Core Realisation

I completed year two of a five year practitioner Core Realisation course last November with Amadis  Cammell.

Core  Realisation is a relational integral therapy as well as a spiritual facilitation modality.

Relational Integral Therapy (RIT) is the therapeutic application of Core Realisation. It unites practical transpersonal alchemy, spiritual psychology and body-oriented humanistic therapy.  RIT works to remedy the detrimental effects of our conditioning on our body defenses, ego structures and soul fixations. We need to identify how our upbringing compelled us to disconnect from our self, others and life as a whole. It also facilitates ways to access our integral essential spiritual nature and Core Self; we then may realise who we truly are and learn to live from our heart.

RIT is therapeutic as it focuses on healing our inner child, adult personality and soul; relational as it opens us to the “other”; and integral as it connects us to what is essential for wholeness.

There are 3 levels to RIT:

Energetics  work on our soma – the structures, vitality and sentience of our body. This facilitates emotional grounding, psychosomatic healing and embodied spirituality. Energetics comprises oriental energetics and somatic (body oriented) psychology modalities such as Qigong, Deep bodywork, Bioenergetics and core energetics.

Dynamics   work on our psyche and ego – our soul patterns and personal character. This addresses childhood wounds to resolve our personal, familial and communal relationships. Dynamics comprises relational humanistic psychology  therapies and core-centred modalities, such as Energetic Integration, Healing Theatre, and Alchemy of Transformation.

Resources  work with our core – the spiritual, essential and authentic nature of our Self. The premise is that the love, energy, essence and consciousness of our supernal being are the source of all healing meaning and purpose. Resources is born out of spiritual philosophies and practices in the Gnostic, Christic< Sufic, Buddhic and Daoistic traditions; as well as contemporary transpersonal systems such as Chan, Internal Alchemy, Pathwork and Diamond Logos.

Glossary

Transpersonal – extending beyond or transcending the personal

Alchemy – finding the elixir of life

Soma – The body of an individual as contrasted with the mind or psyche.

 

Inner Child Healing

The purpose of an Inner Child Healing.

girl-playroomChildren are very emotional beings as the ability to understand has not yet developed. Many times in childhood when we expressed these emotions we were punished, or at least disapproved of and rejected. So after time the emotions become suppressed in an attempt to avoid punishment and rejection. However the energy of the emotion does not then get discharged and therefore begins to accumulate in our energy fields and in our bodies. This causes blockages to the healthy flow of emotional energy which then creates tension and pain. In our attempts to not feel this emotional pain we try to deny it by blaming others for how we feel, projecting our feelings onto others.

However the energy has to go somewhere and as it becomes denser it can somatise into the physical body and create pain and disease. Pain is a way that our self healing intelligence will try to bring our attention to these unresolved left-overs from the past.
So in a Inner Child healing we facilitate the client to heal unresolved emotional pain from childhood. This can relieve the congestion within the energetic and physical bodies to the extent that diseases can be healed.

There are three steps to the process;

Awareness

Giving the Inner child attention in a loving and allowing way. This meets a deep need and allows what is in shadow to feel safe enough to emerge.

Release

Giving a safe space for the child to express their feelings, and so run off the emotional charge that has been held since that time.

Integration

Holding and loving the child, especially after venting these feelings which are normally rejected, deeply dissolves and heals the patterns of fear, shame, and rejection out of which we create our ego defences.

For more information on the therapies Soul Essence offer visit my therapies page or contact me

For more information on the Inner Child see my previous post

Inner Child

girl-snowWe all have, within us, an Inner Child, and yet for those of us who have been abused, neglected or bullied in childhood, that inner child is very often a hurt, lonely and a very frightened inner child.
It is our images of the past that have a major effect on our lives. With a trained energy healer you can clear some of these images and re-parent or reclaim that wounded child,  and uncover any conscious or unconscious mythology of ourselves and begin to re-evaluate and transform it. Linear time does not apply when we work internally and with the unconscious. It is possible to bring our present wise and loving self, to meet and help our young Inner Child and offer comfort and support and find a new joy and energy in living. Inner Child healings can have amazing results.
By bringing to consciousness the feelings of our wounded inner child we can realise how we react from our subconscious in situations. But once we know why we react in situations, we can make a conscious decision to come from love and react in a more loving way.
Through guidance,  understanding and love we can learn to know how to form healthy and loving relationships by learning to love ourselves primarily. Because we have dysfunctional relationships internally, we have dysfunctional relationships externally. Loving ourselves is about unconditional love which means no judgement and no shame.

For more information on the therapies Soul Essence offer visit my therapies page or contact me