No one gets through their childhood without a degree of wounding, some may continue to be in denial about this. Staying blind to these wounds will allow them to have a way of unconsciously ruling us. If while growing up you were smothered and overprotected by your parents and you don’t look at this issue, you may overreact to even the slightest amount of control by your spouse. However, when you understand the dynamic with your parents can find the emotional freedom to make different, and healthier, choices. Being vulnerable and communicating your childhood hurts to your spouse. You can let them know what triggers you, what your “inner child” needs. You can then act, rather than only react.
The wounded inner child – whether from childhood trauma or neglect – tries hard to get our needs for love, care and attention met. This could cause us to use manipulation with people and situations to get our own way, perhaps by becoming overly dependent upon someone else to meet our needs – as if they were our idealised parent.
Alternatively, if we have given up on our efforts to get our needs for love met by someone else we might then become emotionally cut off and overly self-reliant and super-independent. All of which keep us disconnected from mature love – the very love that could heal our early wounds.