What are your emotional wounds? How can you heal them?

Most of our emotional wounds are formed during our childhood. We learn to mask the wounds to receive attention and fit in with our family and friends.

Here is a list of some of the things which may have caused emotional wounds for you: –

  1. Being shouted at, hit, or exposed to violence, you now feel afraid of others anger.
  2. Being harshly judged frequently, you now feel inadequate.
  3. Being ridiculed in public, feeling embarrassed, you now feel ashamed of yourself.
  4. Being smothered or abused, you now feel inferior.
  5. Being overly controlled, you now allow people to control you.
  6. Being used for your parent’s needs.
  7. Trusting a caregiver and being betrayed, now you find it hard to trust.
  8. Being made to feel guilty, now you struggle to forgive yourself
  9. Being rejected when you reached out for connection, now you feel people will not like you.
  10. Being inadequately nurtured and cared for, now feel needy and empty.
  11. Being taken care of, and then abandoned, now feeling scared of being left again.
  12. Not being seen and appreciated for who you were.

If any of the above happened to you, you might feel that you are fundamentally flawed or believe you are not loveable or enough.

All these wounds can leave you feeling disconnected from life and possibly experiencing anxiety, anguish, hurt, depression, frustration and more.  The more these feelings and traumas are suppressed, the more disconnected from spirit and life we feel.

How do you heal Emotional wounds?

Step one is to feel your emotions. All too often, we bottle things up. At some point, the emotion will get released, and this can be in undesirable ways, where you end up hurting yourself and others. We often turn to drugs, alcohol, binge eating, sex, or other addictions to numb our pain and emotions.  Try talking to family and friends about your feelings if you can or find a qualified therapist to help you. 

Step two, healing is a process, not something that will happen in one therapy session. You need to feel the emotion and expel the suppressed energy.  Find somewhere where you can be alone then. If you are sad, let yourself cry if you are angry, shout and scream into a pillow, letting go of the suppressed energy.

Step three is to accept these feelings and emotions, really feel them as you let them go. Don’t keep any of the suppressed energy inside of you. Our feelings and emotions are from the past. We don’t want them to influence our future enjoyment. Whatever caused our emotional wounds happened, and by facing it, we can help to change our reaction to it, choose to stop letting it control you in the now.  

Step four is to forgive all involved.  By really forgiving, you will feel freedom from the control these emotional wounds had over you. This can be done by meditation, prayer, writing a letter and burning or tearing it up.

Step five, use Louise Hays’ mirror work to learn from your pain and wounds.  What can you discover? Can any of this make me stronger? Keep searching for the lessons it could be showing you perseverance, forgiveness, patience, anything else you can learn from your pain and wounds.

Step six, if you run a constant story of blame in your thoughts. If your self-talk is saying expressions like……… it was my parent’s fault; it was because of such and such teacher etc. Try to find a positive statement, like, I am a self-determined person, and I allow others the same right. I can trust myself completely as my life unfolds to create my own unique story. I am highly creative, intelligent, attractive, energetic, witty, smart, healthy, wealthy, and wise.

Need help with healing your emotional wounds? Contact Rosemary

How to Increase your Confidence and Self-Esteem for Success

How do you see yourself? Do you feel like a superhero? If the answer is no, and you do not believe you will do well in the world, you probably will not. We manifest what you believe, not what you want. Start to improve your confidence and self-esteem by believing in yourself.

Here are some suggestions: –

  • Improve your mind – Self-confidence starts in the mind.  Setting yourself some “me time” to nurture your mind, body, and spirit for an hour a day if possible, is a good habit to form. I like to read, meditate, walk, and do some light exercise. If you do not take time for yourself, you allow the opportunity for someone or something else to shape your perspective of the world.
  • Stop the negative thoughts – how negative is your self-talk? Practising mindfulness or meditation is a great way to reprogramme our negative thoughts. Positive affirmations as you go to sleep, or doing the housework also helps.
  • Learning – we should never stop learning, whether this is a professional course, a hobby, a spiritual practise, these all help our personal growth. By completing a course or project helps our confidence.
  • Impostor syndrome – it is so easy to tell ourselves what we have created in our lives was all down to luck, and let the feelings of inadequacy and fear set in.  We need to learn to adopt ways to accept our accomplishments, chatting with our peers helps with this.
  • Dress – During the recent lockdowns, many of us are working from home and staying in our PJs. If you want success, you need to get up and dress like you would if you were going to the office. When you look good, you feel good, which will then show in your attitude and confidence.
  • Learning a skill – public speaking, amateur dramatics, anything where you are in front of an audience, helps you think and react quickly. Any of these will help at meetings and improve your confidence massively.
  • Your value – self-confidence is not all about the success you have in business. You also need to find ways to connect with yourself and grow. This could be volunteering, meditating, exercise workout, and going out with friends. It needs to help you see your value outside of your work, even if your work is a parent.

Soul-Essence runs a fortnightly online meditation group email rosemary@soul-essence.com if you would like more information on meditation, energy healing or integral core therapy.

5 Tips to Stay Positive

The philosopher Marcus Aurelius quoted “Our life is what our thoughts make it” Many others have written similar quotes since.

Do you always look for the problem, or do you look for a solution?

Are you a glass half empty or half full person?

Many studies have shown the benefits of being a positive thinker, mainly a much lower risk of dying from death’s main causes. 

  • Heart disease
  • Stroke
  • Various types of Cancer
  • Infection
  • Respiratory diseases

I am not going into detail on the above diseases, there is loads of information on the internet to read.

Other benefits of being positive from studies are: –

  • Improved quality of life
  • Increased energy levels
  • Improved psychological and physical health.
  • Quicker recovery from injury and illness
  • Fewer colds
  • Less chance of depression and anxiety
  • Improved management of stress and being more resilient.
  • Living a healthier longer life.

Thinking Positively

Focus on the happy times.

In life, we all have good and bad memories.  To stay positive, we need to focus on finding the silver lining of the situation. When an event is cancelled, don’t take it personally, think about an activity you can do instead that you enjoy.

Gratitude

Keeping a gratitude journal, or any other way of practising gratitude has been proven to reduce stress, increase self-esteem and resilience, to help you cope when life throws you difficult times. Write of think of people and all the situations and things you find comfort or happiness with. Do this once a day, it can be part of meditation too. The list can be simple things like thanking a person for helping you, the love you receive from your pets, the joy of your garden.

Laughter

Laughing lowers stress, anxiety, depression, as well as improving your mood and self-esteem.  When things are hard to find the funny side and laugh, I am sure many of you have experienced this when in a group, how laughing instantly changes the mood and the situation becomes easier.

Positive people

Positivity is as contagious as negativity. Therefore, consider spending time with positive people. It has been said you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Positive Self-Talk

We are our own worst enemies; we talk to ourselves in ways we would not consider talking to others. You need to become aware of this talk and change the negative statements immediately with a positive one.  There are also phrases and words we should try to avoid, “I can’t”, “Should”, “problem”, “if”, “just”, “if only”, “but”, “someday”, “why me”, “I don’t know” are some, read a blog post here for 21 words and Phrases.

Want help in finding ways to quiet your negative self-talk, email Rosemary@soul-essence.com