Because of my size, I was considered an easy target to bully. I remember either trying to be friends with the bullies or hiding away from them during my first year at secondary school. I had an exceptionally low self-esteem at this point, almost hating school. I was still a member of the Girl Guides, which continued to help me improve my self-esteem. By my third year, I decided to take Judo lessons, which boosted my confidence enormously, the bullies started to leave me alone, and I made more friends. I was also able to discuss and laugh at my deafness with people when I misheard words, and the scars from the scald on my hands had also faded considerably.
At fourteen, an eye test showed I needed glasses. My parents were only prepared to get me prescription NHS glasses. From what I remember, these are similar to some of the designs you get today. However, I refused to wear them, and I always would sit at the back with my friends, copying their work. There was no way I was going back to the primary school experience of sitting at the front of the class or giving the bullies something to tease me about. In some subjects, this majorly affected my results.
I left school at sixteen and started work as an admin in a Solicitors office; after six weeks, I joined BT. Looking back now, I can see how I would seek approval from the people I worked with, just like I did with my parents and friends during my first few jobs.
I worked to please other people; my first few relationships were also built around me pleasing my partner, not about loving them. I don’t think I knew what true love was. I made sure I left my early relationships first to avoid the hurt of feeling abandoned and rejected. I always felt the need to be in control and attempt to control others. I never let my true feelings show. I needed to be independent to show I was in control of my life.
While training as an energy healer, releasing suppressed energy, I started to get my life on track. Think back to the milestones in your life; how much have you suppressed? What is affecting your life now?
If you have traumas, mild or severe, energy healing can help you. Email Rosemary to find out more about how it can help.